My Hair Story
Since cutting my hair the second time I've found that it's been very difficult for people to understand why I would "cut all that beautiful hair" and why I cut it as low as I did. So here's the true, long story, as to why I cut my hair. First, let me say, this was not my first time cutting my hair. It was my second time around so I wasn't afraid of having short hair.
My first big chop was much different than my second. While both were sporadic, I'd been dancing with the idea of cutting my relaxed hair off since I was a senior in high school; it took 3 years for me to stop dancing and actually do it. Part of the reason it took me so long to cut my hair the first time was because I felt that I needed everyone's approval, specifically my family's. My mom was against me cutting my hair. She didn't mind me going natural, but cutting my hair was not an option. Even though I was 18, and was technically an adult, I didn't feel grown, I didn't act grown and like I child I was still seeking approval from people about things that had nothing to do with them, but everything to do with how I felt about myself. I eventually got the courage to just stop talking about it and do it. If people didn't like it, if my mother didn't like it, well I told myself I would deal with it later. So I went home for Christmas break and one night I was I hanging out with a good friend from high school, Monique who'd been natural for two years already, and asked her to cut my hair. She did. No questions asked. I'll never forget how I sat in her bathroom at her parents' home listening to the Weeknd's Wicked Games. We wet my hair by having me bend over the faucet in her tub and she cut all the straight ends off. I had only transitioned for three months and I really didn't know what my hair would look like, and truthfully, I didn't care. I just knew I was excited to finally be doing something I had been wanting to do for so long. We did record the experience but the footage is extremely distorted, I do have the picture of the finished product though.
Round two was a lot less sporadic but perhaps more emotional. I knew I was going to cut my hair this time, I just didn't know when. I was in a serious relationship. I was planning to get married and the guy I was with loved long hair. So I figured I could at least wait until we were married before I cut all my hair off. Look, sis, don't judge me. I was in love and I believed he loved me, even with that screwed up logic. Plus, it wasn't just him. I was dealing with some issues deeper than being in a relationship with a controlling guy. Since graduating college I had gained weight. Not the grown and sexy weight either; in the course of two years I had gained over 60 pounds. Like my waistline, my face was a lot fuller than it was when I big chopped the first time. I could paint a picture but you will have to check out my fitness journey for all the details on the how's and whys of my weight gain. I mentioned it to say that while the guy I was with didn't like short hair, my confidence was shot and the perception I had of myself was so unhealthy I didn't think I could pull off short hair. The reality is my hair had become my safety net. I was hiding so much behind my hair y'all. I mean depression, anxiety, obesity, loneliness, insecurities, so much negativity. Well, my relationship ended (that's another post, be on the lookout for it soon) and when he left my biggest reason for not cutting my hair left too. A lot of people will think I cut my hair because of a man. That isn't true. Not entirely, anyway. I could tell you I cut my hair because it was damaged from heat and color processing and while it was damaged, that wouldn't be the complete truth either. On Saturday, November 21, 2015 I woke up and knew I would cut my hair that day. I texted my Soror and asked if she knew someone who took walk-ins. She suggested a salon called Beverly's of Nashville. I called and they told me to come right on in. When I got there I had to spend 15 minutes convincing the stylist to cut my hair and that I had not indeed lost my mind. Once I convinced Ms Lisa that I really wanted all my hair cut into a low fade she eventually started cutting. I was anxious this time around. I couldn't sit still in the chair. I didn't know want to expect. I had forgotten what my head looked like with short hair and I had never had it cut so low all over. Y'all, I was nervous and I started regretting my decision. It took her an hour to cut my hair and when she finished I didn't want to look. When I did, I felt one single emotion: Liberated.
Changing my hair has always been a way for me to express myself, whether through color, texture, or cutting it off. When I decided to big chop again I was in a place where it was time for me start over in many areas of my life and my hair was indicative of an innermost transformation of what God was doing in my life. Shedding all the things satan was using to control how I felt about myself. It wasn't until I got home that I realized that cutting my hair was me shedding all the negativity I had been consuming over the last two and a half years. In the time I had been growing my hair, somewhere along the way I had started neglecting the most important part of me, my spirit. For some it's not that deep. For me it was. It still is. Cutting my hair was just the beginning of so many good things. It was a much needed fresh start. It was the beginning of a new journey of love and life. I'm excited to share this journey with you all. Be Beautiful, Kate P.S. Here's a slideshow of a few of my most memorable hair moments from my first big chop to my second. Enjoy!
